I got two reasons. One is the simple reason I tell everybody. The other one is the actual reason. They’re both true, of course, it’s just that one is a bit on the surface and the other is much deeper.
The easier reason is because I’m busy and focused elsewhere. I’ve spent the last couple of years completely focused on me and my career for the most part. All my stress and drama is pretty much work related. I don’t allow anything else to really bother me besides that…I’d sooner cut you off. With that mindset I can’t fairly be in a relationship. I’d be setting myself up for failure. A relationship, at least a good one, is kind of a full time position I don’t have the hours available for. I feel like now’s the time in my life to work and love and all that shyt will be waiting for me whenever I’m ready.
As true as that reason is and even if I didn’t say it, it’s pretty evident if you know me in the slightest, that’s not the whole thing. I’m a tad too wise to just cast my heart aside for my career. I watch TV and movies, I know the main character always fails doing that and ends up hella miserable when they achieve success.
Actual reason is, as of now, I just don’t have it in me to give the amount of effort needed to make an actual relationship happen. Ideally, a relationship is made through a 50/50 effort. You and someone pursue each other equally than meet halfway. It could be 60/40 or something, where you’re kinda chased and then the person grows on you, but either way it’s supposed to be kinda balanced. At least that’s how I see it. My prob is I don’t care to make the effort anymore and I don’t notice the effort others are making like I should. I think I’ve been through too many “shoulda, coulda, woulda” type situations. I wouldn’t say I’m no longer interested in the chase but, as soon as I feel like I’m stepping towards that brick wall I’ve already been to, where my name’s tagged in spray paint, I stop running. That whole glitch in the matrix deja vu shyt is played out. I’ve been through it enough to feel like I’ve learned from those experiences, and as of right now I’m not willing to even come close to reliving it again. I’ll probably be more tolerant of it after these other things in my life are established. But just not now.
Not saying I’ve stopped trying or anything. If I did I’d either be a man whore or a monk. I’m just not putting myself in a position to lose right now, and that whole love thing is a serious gamble.
Four years ago, when i was 18, i noticed that at night my front window is very reflective so i was pretending to dive in slow motion and shoot, dual pistol style. Suddenly a really hot girl walked past and i was startled and fell over. Embarrassed i waited for a bit and then stood up. As i stoop up i saw her slowly shooting an imaginary rifle from behind a car. We then proceeded to do this for 10 minutes until she did an extremely dramatic death. She wasn't getting up so i went outside to meet her. Once i got to where she was, there was nothing but a piece of paper with a mobile number on it. Today, we are getting married. MLIA